| PREVENTION |
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The
best way to prevent a youth from feeling alone,
isolated and insecure is to spend time with your
youth and listen. |
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Give
you children your full attention when they need
to talk. Put down the paper, turn off the TV and
let dinner wait. Make your responsiveness a top
priority. |
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Take
your children seriously. Don't dismiss their worries
or fears. |
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Model
a respectful way of communicating that you would
like for your teen to use with you. |
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When
discussing touchy issues (dating, driving, curfews)
try to remain calm. |
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Confront
trouble directly, firmly and calmly. Remain firm
on central values (such as no drug use) while bending
on less critical issues (hair or clothing). Your
teen will stop confiding in you if you are constantly
judging his or her behavior. |
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Permit
expressions of ideas even if they are different
from your own. |
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Try
not to take your teen's mood swings too personally. |
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If
you are worried about something you think or feel
may be going on with your youth, talk with teachers
and parents of their friends. They may have helpful
observations and insights. |
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If
you tell your teen that he or she can talk to you
about anything, then mean it. Help from outside
sources and counseling professionals can help you
become more comfortable talking to you teen about
sensitive subjects such as sexuality. |
| WARNING
SIGNS |
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It's
easy to confuse signs of trouble and normal adolescent
turmoil. When real problems are in the making, the
signs should cause concern, but not undue alarm. |
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Sleep
changes: fatigue, early morning awakenings,
insomnia, increased sleeping. |
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Personality
changes: abrupt mood swings, excessive blow-ups
triggered by small things, apathy, boredom, irritability,
preoccupation with a single thought. |
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Withdrawal
from the family: growing isolation, increased
violation of rules, avoidance of family gathering,
even at meals. |
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School
problems: falling grades, truancy, cutting classes,
fight and other disciplinary problems. These can
lead to other high-risk activities such as drug
and alcohol use. |
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Withdrawal
from friends: fallouts with friends, hostility
toward former friends, new (older) friends, and
reluctance to introduce parent to new friends. |
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Difficulty
coping with family transitions: prolonged reaction
to loss or stress from death, divorce, illness,
loss of job, a move to another city, etc. |
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Adults:
trust your feelings. Parents often have gut
feeling when something is wrong. Trust those feelings
and watch for these signs. If you observe any of
these signs talk to you teen about what may be happening.
Don't hesitate to ask for outside help for you,
your teen and your family. |
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Why
do youth leave home?
Although
no one knows the exact number, estimates indicate
that more than a million young people run away
each year in the United States. That means that
every day approximately 3,000 youth leave home
to escape troubling situations. Because this number
includes children from all socio-economic backgrounds,
no family with children is immune to the possibility
of youth leaving home.
While
runaways are defined as young person under the
age of 18 who are away from home at least one
night without parental permission, they are also
children who are responding to painful or stressful
situations at home, at school or with friends.
They may be aware that running from their problems
is only a temporary solution, but they are desperately
seeking immediate relief.
Without
resources like Safe Place and community youth
shelters, children who have run away are extremely
vulnerable to physical violence, sexual exploitation,
criminal activity, suicide, substance abuse and
increased sexual activity(often resulting in pregnancy
and/or sexually transmitted diseases).
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Help
is available…..
Safe
Place programs generally work with youth shelters
that provide help for runaways and youth experiencing
crisis situations. Both are resources for teens
and adults. Their staff members are sensitive,
responsive and experienced. Safe Place is designed
to keep youth safe and off the streets. Community
Safe Place sites immediately connect youth in
crisis to the shelter. Shelter staff provide the
necessary help for teens and families and work
to reunite youth and their families
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Safe
Place agencies offer parents:
Youth
shelters that can help you prevent a runaway episode
by discussing your concerns or warning signs you've
identified-and by directing you to the appropriate
services.
A
"time-out" or cooling-off period to
reduce tensions when family conflicts reach a
boiling point.
Local
and national resources that can assist you in
contacting those that could be of most assistance
if your teen leaves home.
Family
counseling directly or through referrals to other
professionals when the child returns home
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Tips
for teens
WE CARE ABOUT YOU AND WE CAN HELP……… |
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Don't
be afraid to ask for help. |
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You
can ask for help for a friend. |
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Look
for a trusted adult to talk to: teacher, guidance
counselor, family member, neighbor, family friend,
minister/clergy, etc. |
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You
can call a local youth shelter or the National Runaway
Switchboard at 1-800-RUNAWAY for help without using
your name. |
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The
staff at any local Safe Place program are willing
to listen. |
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Your
concern is not too big or too little for a Safe
Place agency to help. |
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Be
honest about your needs. |
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The
first time we experience most events, we react strongly.
As we think it through or the event occurs again,
our reactions change. Writing out your feelings
can help. |
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Admit
your own mistakes. Attack the problem and not the
person. Calm down before you react. Think before
you speak. And, look for understanding without being
defensive. |
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If
you do not have a safe place to be, you have a right
to a Safe Place. |
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Using
tobacco, alcohol and other drugs can have a negative
effect on your life; the majority of youth have
chosen not to get involved with drugs or alcohol. |
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Remember,
a crisis is temporary and will pass with time. Dealing
with it in the right way is most important. |
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Communication
is a family activity
Communication
is the process of giving and receiving information.
It sounds simple, but experience tells a different
story. There are things that act as barriers to
effective communication. These barriers include:
Language;
varied meaning of words
Perceptions
of those involved
Distractions
of the surrounding environment
Human listening
capacity
Add
to these the rapid changes children are going
through as they grow and mature and you will begin
to understand why communication is tougher than
it first appears.
Though
family life is not easy, good communication skills
can make for a healthier household. Remember that
communication is a process none of us has perfected,
so as you interact, keep in mind the following
principles:
1.
Effective communication is a learned skill.
How do you and your family communicate best?
2.
What is the specific issue being discussed?
Effective communication involves sending a message
and listening to a message, speaking and listening.
3.
Communication is hard work. To be effective you
have to remain an active participant. Say what
you mean. Do not assume anything. Clarify. Negotiate.
Summarize what is said and praise when possible.
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| If
your child is missing…. |
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Think
clearly: Where might your child be? With a friend,
relative, or divorced parent? |
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Record:
keep a record of everyone you contact. Write down
your own thoughts and feeling just to clear you
head. |
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Look
for clues: Check his or her room for signs of preparation.
Ask friends, teachers, and coaches for ideas. Check
neighborhood hangouts. Know who your children's
friends are and keep a list of their names, address
and phone numbers. |
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Take
action: File a missing person's report with local
police and ask them to put information into the
NCIC (National Crime Information Center) computer.
It is important to have an up-to-date photograph
of your child to provide the police, Contact your
local youth shelter; they can help connect you with
other reputable services in your area and can assist
you in thinking through your plan of action. |
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Remain
calm: If your child calls: Show love and concern.
If he or she is not ready to return home, give him
or her the number of the local runaway center if
you know it and the toll-free National Runaway Switchboard
at 1-800-RUNAWAY. Either agency can help reunite
you with you child. Suggest that they go to a Safe
Place site if the program is available. |
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When
your child returns: Running is a child's cry for
help. Unresolved family conflicts can lead to future
running. It is a good idea to seek family counseling
to solve the problems that led to your child running
away. Prevent future runaway episodes by getting
help now. |
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Safe
place offers teens:
Safe
Place sites at businesses, public locations and
sometimes mobile units that display the distinctive
yellow and black logo. The staff at these sites
are trained by shelter staff and know how to respond
to any youth in crisis.
A
Safe Place agencies that can provide temporary
shelter for teens who have already left home.
Teens are safe and are assisted in resolving the
problems that caused them to run. Shelter staff
can also help youth get home safely.
The
National Runaway Switchboard is available if you
are not familiar with the youth shelter in you
community. Call 1-800-RUNAWAY to be connected
with the shelter closest to you.
For
more information or to learn how to establish
a Safe Place program in your community, contact
the National Safe Place office at 888-290-7233.
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